Thursday, November 11, 2010

Marry Him! by Lori Gottlieb

So I have dating on the brain. It's been a subject of discussion A LOT recently, and this book totally coincides with the blessed subject. So Singletons -- this is for YOU. That's right -- If you find yourself hearing the faint sounds of a tick-tock when thinking about children. If you find yourself wandering the home appliances section of Target, AGAIN. If you can't figure out why men don't appreciate the National Treasure that you are, as evidenced by the amount of First Dates that don't progress to Second Dates -- then today is your lucky day! Even if you're married or steadily dating - knowledge is power, right? And if there is anything we ladies lloove it's power.

So in the spirit evaluation . . . let's take a quiz!

1. When walking into class/church/a bar/the discotheque, and spending the first minute scoping out the dudes, you

A) Realize you're way better looking than most people in the room and could probably get whomever you want.

B) Roll your eyes and think, Really? And then gather your girlfriends about you while lauding the many virtues of Girl Time! and how dudes just Suck.
C) Lament that there is only 2 men there that look like they're worth talking to - which is SO lame because it appears as though every other female is thinking the same thing.
D) Acknowledge that these guys may not appear attractive and your heart may not flutter,
but a little social effort may yield some interesting/amusing/educational results. You never know!

2. You've been known to turn down a date because

A) He laughs too loudly and it's totally a turn off.

B) He usually wears beat-up running shoes with everything, including the occasional Hawaiian print shirt. FASHION. DISASTER.

C) There is glaring lack of anything remotely resembling butterflies, fireworks, chemistry or other known analogies that get the blood racing. There's just no interest.

D) He has addictions/a nasty temper/is unkind and rude. In general: RED FLAGS.

3. If you could choose ONE quality that would define your husband-to-be, you'd go with

A) Romantical supreme!

B) Nearly-nerd Smarts!

C) Alpha-male work ethic!

D) Kindness.

Okay that's enough. I've never liked quizzes and my transcripts prove it. SO. If you find that you circled ANYTHING other than 'D' then it's time for you to acknowledge that you need help. Go ahead, say it with me: My name is _______, and I'm single for a reason.

I know. It hurts. But pain is good. Pain teaches us lessons. Pain is just weakness leaving the body. And now that you're hedging on depressed, go pick up this book instead of that pint of Ben & Jerry's you're thinking about. Because here's the thing that Gottlieb presents- there ARE good men out there, but women have a tendency to overlook them because that all-consuming attraction just ain't there with Mr. Good Enough.

Mr. Good Enough is NOT the man the graces the covers of romance novels or Jane Austen movie remakes or sparkles like diamonds in the sunlight. He's the solid and stable (and usually only average looking) man who works hard at a regular job, has a good sense of humor and is kind to his friends and family. Oh and he's also the one whom most women pass up until they realize their mistake, but by then -oops!- some other smarter women has nabbed him and will probably live happily together for the rest of their long and meaningful lives.

Marry Him is Gottlieb's story of her quest to find a husband as a 40-something year old. It's fascinating, it's painful, and it is totally readable. She takes Disney Princesses and feminism and turns them both on their heads, and then does the same to scores of women who continue to "hold out for something better," by consulting with married friends, single friends, matchmaking companies, marriage & family researchers, and a personal dating coach.

Most of this was not new to me (thanks dad!), but I found her experiences fascinating and her takeaways totally right on. I've loaned it to several single girlfriends already, all of whom not only really enjoyed it but also have decided to change a few approaches they have to dating. And for that, Ms. Gottlieb, I thank you .

4.5 fist pumps worthy.