The Golden Spiral (Hourglass Door #2) by Lisa Mangum

I started reading this series because I noticed this cover in a bookstore a few months back and it lured me in. Remember that Donald Duck short from forever ago when Disney pulled a School House Rock and had this educational cartoon on The Golden Ratio? That's what I first thought of.

Yeah that takes you back doesn't it.

Anyway. The book is TOTALLY unrelated to the golden mean, so sorry if you got excited there for a moment. In fact, I can't recall a Golden Spiral making an appearance at all. Not as a trippy staircase or Da Vinci diagram or bizarre time concept. I bet that is where all these problems stem from - false advertising with lack of cool spiral.

Abby is attempting to rescue Dante from some freaky in-between world of time, while Zo has gone all Anarchist Tyrant and is ruling the River of Time with an iron fist. Plus he has a big grudge against Abby and is destroying the pasts of her close friends and family, which will in turn damage her and the choices she makes in relation to the Hourglass Door. At least, I think that's what happens. Honestly, I was confused throughout large bits. Time travel jenk seems to do that to me.

The facts are these: The first book was good -- creative premise, likeable characters, decent love story, mystery and good pacing. It had what I require for an entertaining read. This book though? Let's just say there are no good ratios going on here, golden or not.

It's your typical #2 Bridge To The Conclusion. Some parts were really slow, other parts were a hot mess of WTH blended with Whatever I Don't Even Care Anymore. Nothing that is supposed to be Suspenseful! actually is, we get no added character depth, and I'm not sure anything was even accomplished. The Most Obnoxious Award goes to both Abby and Dante. Mostly Abby -- she is a true Mary Sue in this one. Pretty much all they do is kiss and make googly eyes and Dante & Co. tell Abby how brave and incredible she is like 18,000 times and I don't get WHY. She's brave because her friend has gone insane, she's trying to get Dante back and her family is no more thanks to Zo? If that makes you brave than I guess every single one of us is like freaking Captain Heroic so congratulations everybody on being SO BRAVE!

For me The Golden Spiral was something of a let down. Down, down the golden spiral into Meh.

Perchance to Dream (Theatre Illuminata #2) by Lisa Matchev

When Eyes Like Stars left off, Bertie was about to set off on a quest to reclaim her dashing swashbuckler from the evil clutches of a frightening sea witch, and to also find out more about her past and to actually step outdoors for once in her life and to cavort about with Ariel and probably do some other things I can't remember.

And that is where Perchance opens. Honestly, I can't give a real summary because I myself feel a bit confused about what happens. There is lots of adventuring, which I always like, but this involved too much Maybe This Is Real And Maybe It's Not scenes and not enough witty banter/fairy pranks/Nate the Pirate. Some more Secrets From Bertie's Past are revealed, involving an interesting father-part-time-bird, the Love Triangle continues to drag on with Ariel taking the lead, a couple new charming secondary characters are introduced, and then it just sort of eeennddsssss.

But not really.

Because there is still another book on the way. Of course.

The premise of these books is quite fun, and I like the carnival/gypsy/Euro thespian feel it has going for it -- Colors! Circus men! Flying carriages! -- but in Perchance it started to drag a bit. Drag confusedly. Part of the problem, I think, is that we don't get enough insight into the characters. And because they are interesting characters it just seems like there is so much to explore with them.

Ah well. I hope better things for the next one. At least we can expect (probably) more lovely cover art.

3 out of 5 dancing elephants.

Eyes Like Stars (Theatre Illuminata #1) by Lisa Mantchev

Beatrice Shakespeare Smith lives in a theater. An enchanted theater no less. But she is about to be forcibly removed from her magical home full of Fictional Characters Come To Life because, despite being the beloved orphan of the Theatre Illuminata, she is a total prankster and the Stage Manager just can not handle it anymore.

So she makes a deal with the Theater Manager- she can stay so long as she contributes something important to the theater. She's no actress, so she takes up directing (to the dismay of all characters whom insist they need no directorial support seeing as they are the character that was written). Then somehow, I can't remember at the moment as it's a Friday afternoon, but this Really Important Book is compromised and the characters can leave the theater - which I guess I forgot to mention has been impossible to do at this point. And pretty much everything turns to Chaos!, and she sort of forms this plan at the end for how to solve it but then it just ENDS.


Was that kind of spoilery to mention that? I mean, this is labeled as Theatre Illuminata #1 so I assumed deductive logic would rule out the notion of a resolved ending.

Anyway. I'll start off by stating that I liked this book, not luurve it like I always want to, but I think I might be biased for two reasons.

1. I am no theater connoisseur. I like seeing a jolly stage production every now and again, but that is about the extent of it. Maybe I would've appreciated parts of this more if I were more of the thespian sort. Or not. Who knows.

2. The cover art is just so pretty. And I have a weakness for anything shiny, sparkly or lovely to behold. I know it has nothing to do with the content which is why you shouldn't make judgments based on the cover yada yada yada. Still makes me happy to hold a pretty book though.

Okay so, substance. It lacked some of that. The idea of the theater: creative. The characters: fun. All of it mixed together: sloppy. The plot reminded me of a badly edited low-budget film. It just didn't flow very well. I found myself re-reading scenes just to get an idea of what was happening, and that detracts from that Getting Lost In The Story feeling. It was choppy at parts and felt underdeveloped. Like maybe Matchev didn't have lots of details about the history, the environment, or the mysterious binding magic in her head.

The characters should've been developed more. As it was, I liked them all enough to be interested in them even though I never felt a real connection to them. Bertie (ugh - that was one of my hang ups. Bertie? Really? Can Beatrice not be shortened into something that doesn't sound like the village cross-eyed boy whom everyone tries to be nice to even though he is really obnoxious and slightly creepy? Come on.) - anyway, Bertie is a fun heroine. She dyes her hair whacked-out colors. She sets off minor explosions. She has Turkish baths on the stage when it suits her fancy. Plus, she's witty. And she's got these little fairies that hang about her all the time who are quite humorous as well.

"You didn't just write the play, Bertie," Peaseblossom said suddenly. "You ordered the Players about, shouted, and threw an artistic hissy fit. Do you know what that makes you?"
"A temperamental fusspot?" Mustardseed guessed.
"Crazier than a bag full of crazy?" Moth said.
"Close," Peaseblossom said. "It makes her a Director."


There's a Not Quite But Aiming To Be Love Triangle, which is hard for me to buy into because it's just so obvious whom she'll pick, but whatever. I still loved it. Partially because Nate is a Swashbuckler with a Scottish accent and a penchant for teasing.
"One o' these days, lass, I'm goin' t' still that mouth o' yers."
Um, yes please.

As I said earlier, the Non-End resolves just about nothing. I feel like my arm is being twisted to go read the next one. Which is pretty unnecessary because if the story and characters were that great than duh I would go read the next one. And I will read the next one, Perchance to Dream, with some theatrical gusto because that is what it seems to call for. Or maybe it's because the cover is even prettier.

On the whole it's a fun read but not necessarily the best read in terms of writing. It just needed MORE. I wouldn't have minded another 50 to 100 pages if we got more detail and better story flow.

3 large and brightly decorated cakes, because I laughed.
"She's under duress," Peaseblossom said.
"I don't care if she's under duress, over it, or alongside it," Moth said. "Nothing in this world supersedes cake."

Book source: Local library.

Friday Favorites! Suite Scarlett by Maureen Johnson

Scarlett is the third of four children in the Martin family. The Martins live in and manage a shabby hotel in NYC that dates back to the 1920s. When Scarlett turns 15, she is put in charge of one of the hotel's 27 rooms- the Empire Suite. Into this room moves Mrs. Amberson, a failed 1970s starlet who has returned to New York to write her memoirs. Soon, Scarlett is taking dictation, running around town with Mrs. Amberson, and getting caught up in her Auntie Mame-meets-Bianca Jagger adventures. In the midst of all this, Scarlett falls in love - or so she thinks - and it takes Mrs. Amberson to help her see the light. Taken from Goodreads.

I'd heard good things for quite some time - but I saw it in the library and that was it. Because HELLO red lipstick with adorable black dress straps on what is presumably a fantastic dress from the neckline down? Sold.

As it turns out, the inside was as delightful as the outside. Meet Scarlett, 15, who is about as endearingly normal as any heroine you'll (not) find. She writes, she does chores, is kind of poor, is obligated to assist an eccentric and winning Mrs. Amberson, is devoid of any spectacular summer plans (unlike her rich Manhattanite friends), and still has some growing up to do. Plus, she isn't simpering, whiny, tom-boyish, manipulative, rude, stupid, or clumsy. A breath of fresh air let me tell you. She's got some quirks and flaws, but she reminded me of what is what like to be 15 (sans most of the awkwardness) and have a crush and sometimes think you're a victim of your parents' ridiculousness.

The Charm Factor of the book, though, is the Martin family. I admit I had a few moments where I was like, Can I trade my family in for them? Not really, but you know what I mean. The Martins certainly are not perfect though - the siblings constantly bicker and lie to their parents. But they're also very close and exchange lots of witty banter and IOU's and Game Plans and moral support and things.

“Chip has a boat. Fancy boat,” Spencer went on. “And he did promise Marlene a ride.”

“This is my ex-boyfriend we’re talk about,” she [Lola] said.

“I know,” Scarlett said. “It’s asking a lot. I’m not asking you to get back together with him...”

“She’s definitely not asking that...” Spencer cut in.

“This is just asking him to take a little boat ride,” Scarlett finished.

“You mean you want me to use him.”

“Stop it,” Spencer said. “You’re making me love you more.”

Also, they live in a vintagey hotel.

This is my idea of a good summer read. Talented writing, fun story, jogging pace, clever lines, fun characters you actually care about. It merits some hammock-time and an ice cream sandwich or four.

3.5 glittery stars for sweetly lingering in my head long after I finished it, much like an exchanged glance from a sexy mysterious passerby.

Rules of Attraction by Simone Elkeles

In the sequel to Perfect Chemistry, the story shies away from Alex and Brittany, who have started college in Denver, and focuses on Alex's younger brother Carlos. Carlos is sent to live with Alex after getting into some trouble down in Mexico, and he makes it known that Denver is just not his scene. But when he gets to know Kiara, the shy granola girl from school, he starts to realize that maybe being surrounded by people with direction might not be such a bad thing.

When my friend gave me this to borrow, the first thing I thought when I looked at the book in my hand was, "Oohh THAT looks like fun! Maybe I should be doing more of that instead of sitting around typing book 'reviews.'" I think I feel a new summer goal coming on . . .

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the extent of my excitement over this book.

I think that if you substitute the name "Carlos" for the name "Alex" it would be the EXACT SAME STORY as Perfect Chemistry. Carlos is whinier than Alex I suppose, so there's one difference. He's certainly Troubled. He's got some baggage from events in the previous book, and likes to cover said Hurts with a dollop of sarcasm and a sprinkle of Bad-A Behavior. Gang activity? Check. Acceptance of A Crappy Life? Check. Spanglish Foul-mouthery? Check. Falling for the good girl after an initial strong dislike of her? Double check.

Enter Kiara Westford. She is shy and unpopular, probably as a result of wearing men's t-shirts and stuttering when she talks. Her interests are hiking (it is Denver after all), fixing up cars, volunteering at the old people home, and hanging out with her best friend Tuck. She is likeable enough, but not very interesting. For that reason alone her relationship with Carlos "Hot bod and a face that Angels weep over" Fuentas feels way too forced and much less realistic than Alex and Beauty Queen Brittany.

Rules of Attraction is fairly predictable since Elkeles uses the same formula as Perfect Chemistry, which goes something like this: Every other chapter is seen through the eyes of Carlos or Kiara. Both overly-angsty teens have A Trial to overcome; her a stuttering problem and he a Nihilistic Mindset and a quickly growing police record. Then, after some "witty" banter mixed with sexual tension, the Troubled Boy falls for the Good Girl despite loads of Misunderstandings and social stigmas (read: Forbiddenness). She hands him her virginity on a silver platter because "he's worth it," and Boy becomes a better person because of said Previously Misunderstood But Now Beloved Girl. There is a Miraculous Escape from the clutches of The Inescapable Gang, the Bad Guy gets his in the end, and they all Live Happily Ever After.

I've actually learned a lot of Life Lessons from these books so far. I decided to ditch my good-girl persona in favor of a more Closet-Girls Gone Wild kind of lifestyle, because that will get me a hot and loving husband in the end. And I'll do this under the roof of my parents' home, since Kiara did and her dad didn't care. In fact, I think I'll tell my dad to be more like Mr. Westford - you know, the type who lets known gang members live in his house, in the room right next to his teenage daughter. The type who tells them to just "be safe" about the shenanigans they'll get into late at night. Yeah I think my dad might go for that.

The highlight, nay - saving grace of the book is Tuck. Not only does he have some great one-liners, but also cons Carlos into playing ultimate frisbee on an all-male gay team.

2.5 stars for gang violence, teen drinking, drug use and sex, but still maintaining a compelling writing style.

Book source: Friend.

Friday Favorites: His Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare

Clary Fray is not the ordinary girl from Brooklyn that she thought she was. After happening upon what she thinks is a crime scene, Clary is introduced to the world of the Shadowhunters - the world she was born into without realizing it. Shadowhunters are the feared enforcers of law and order who ruthlessly hunt and destroy demons, and keep Downworlders - the supernatural creatures on earth - from preying on humans. None are more skilled at this than Jace, the cocky 17 year old Shadowhunter who delights in smashing heads and breaking hearts. Along with a slew of delightful secondary characters, Clary struggles to solve the mysteries of her past, her forbidden attraction to Jace, her place within this new world of violence, and the growing threat that could destroy Downworlders and Shadowhunters alike - the ex-Shadowhunter, Valentine.

This is a trilogy made up of The City of Bones, The City of Ashes and The City of Glass. I know these have been out for a while, but I just discovered them last year. I had seen them around before and I was like, "Ew the cover art is weird and cheesy," so I never thought about picking one up to read. Also, Stephanie Meyer has this huge endorsement on them and I was thinking that it seemed pathetic to use her name to sell more, which had the opposite effect on me than what the publisher was probably going for. That's what you get for judging by the cover I guess. But who am I kidding - I do it all the time and won't ever stop. And really, the art does His Mortal Instruments NO justice at all. Plus, I was kind of over all these supernatural YA books that are all the rage. But then a friend of mine, whose taste in books I admire, read and loved them so I swallowed my pride and decided to give them a try.

I love these books. They just have so much going for them. It's hard for me to admit my love because I feel like they're such a guilty pleasure, but really I think my snobbery is unfounded because C.Clare is a great writer. She weaves a spectacular blend of elements; a creative and intriguing mythology, fast-paced storytelling, dangerous adventures and dark secrets, love triangles and witty banter. It's like an ice cream sundae with all the works. One of my greatest purchases, and I've gotten some great deals in my lifetime of shopping, was getting the hardcover set last fall from Amazon for only $30 brand new. For ALL THREE. HARDCOVER. Oh Amazon how I love thee. . .

Anyway. I shied away from these because it seemed like the people raving over them were the crazed Twilight fanatics, though I hope that anyone who likes adventure and wit and just an all-around fun story will read them. Not all will like them though, and probably for a couple reasons. First, it is teen angst to the max. Which I very openly love because I find it excessively diverting when done well. And I think it's done well because 1) there's so many other components driving the story besides love, or the lack thereof; 2) the banter between all angsty characters is unrivaled in its hilarity; and 3) Jace. Jace is a love-him-or-hate-him character, and I adore him because he is all snark and Bad-A behavior. I read City of Bones and I was like, Jace is what I aim to be in life! Sans the boy part.

"Not everything is about you," Clary said furiously.

"Possibly," Jace said, "but you do have to admit that the majority of things are."

And that's just a TASTE of what comes out of Jace's mouth. For your enjoyment, here is another exchange that had me laughing as I read it:

Isabelle drifted over, Jace a pace behind her. She was wearing a long black dress with boots and an even longer cutaway coat of soft green velvet, the color of moss.

"I can't believe you did it!" she exclaimed. "How did you get Magnus to let Jace leave?"

"Traded him for Alec," Clary said.

Isabelle looked mildly alarmed. "Not permanently?"

"No," said Jace. "Just for a few hours. Unless I don't come back," he added thoughtfully. "In which case, maybe he does get to keep Alec. Think of it as a lease with an option to buy."

Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out."

"That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not."

See? Brilliant.

The other reason these don't sit well with some is the revelation at the end of the City of Bones that thwarts the relationship between Clary and Jace. At first I was rather bothered, but of course things get resolved in the very end like all non-tragic epics. I figure that twist was thrown in to keep the tension tight throughout the series, which Clare succeeds in doing. And these books DO have this epic feel about them; not in the way that Harry Potter does but in a similar vein I think.

I wanted to review these because I got all three on audiobook and I've been listening to them the past week at work. The reader for City of Bones is Ari Graynor I think, and Natalie Moore for City of Ashes and City of Glass, though the differences aren't noticeable. In fact, I would have never noticed except that Natalie Moore did the Dairy Queen audiobook too so her voice was familiar to me. Of course I imagine some of the things the characters say (or yell) to sound differently than how they're read out loud, but otherwise the audiobooks are fantastic.

All in all His Mortal Instruments is highly recommended to anyone who likes YA and urban fantasy, or anyone willing to get off their high horse and give them a shot despite those things. Both my thumbs way way up.

Gentelmen by Michael Northrop

Micheal is not cool. It's hard to be taken seriously when your own parents don't spell your name right on the birth certificate. His friends Mixer, Tommy and Bones are also losers who are either ignored at school or instill fear in their fellow classmates. Mr. Haberman, their remedial English teacher who is Boring and Weird, is the only one who pays any attention to them and always refers to them as "gentlemen."But when one of the group members mysteriously goes missing, suspicion turns to Mr. Haberman as the boys search for clues and meanings from his class lectures and strange behavior.

First, can we take a second to admire the creepy factor of the cover? That boy is in a body bag. I know - AWESOME.

Right from the get go this story pulled me in. Micheal is a great narrator; he's simple and self-deprecating, but honest and clever. His voice is distinct and somewhat gritty but in a way that feels very age appropriate. Through his eyes we see the unfolding of some bizarre behavior coming from people who surround Micheal, and the author is able to convey this strangeness very simply and convincingly. He weaves in the story of Crime and Punishment, a book Micheal & Gang are studying in English, in a creative way that I quite enjoyed without actually copying the storyline from C&P. The story kept me guessing, right along with Micheal, and until the very end I had no idea how it would turn out.

It was a quick and enjoyable read, partially because it's so unlike other books I've read, and partially because Micheal was such a fascinating character to get to know. Two thumbs up!

Book source: Local library.

Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles

Alex, beautiful and brilliant and totally Bad A, is trapped in his own Gangland and going nowhere fast. Brittany is flawless and rich, but on the first day of senior year is paired with Alex in chem class to work on a project together. Amidst Spanglish and plenty of Misunderstandings, worlds collide when these two realize that perhaps they were MFEO.

**Probable Spoilers to Follow**
Perhaps I'm wrong, though it's a rarity, but I think I'm one of fifteen people on the planet who didn't really like this book. In so many ways it was All The Reasons YA Can Be Ridiculous. I'll tell you what though: That cover - it makes me want a Latino Lover of my own.

Brittany Beauty Queen has a crappy home life, her boyfriend only wants her hot bod, and she never lets anyone get to know the real Brittany. So she's something of a tortured soul, but no one knows it. Alejandro is protecting his family by thug life-ing it with the Latino Bloods, has a major Bad Attitude and secretly wants more out of life. He calls her chica and mamacita a lot, she does a lot of stomping and hair flipping around him to show her annoyance. It's all very angsty.

Then, as if that's not enough original characterizations to blow your mind, enter High School Science Class. Honestly, why did I never use Biology/Chemistry work as my secret weapon when I was a teenager? I think because I never did the, I Hated You When I Was Forced To Be Your Lab Partner But Then I Realized You Were My One True Love thing that I probably missed my shot at happiness in this life.

There's plenty of missumptions, stereotypes, swearing, sexual tension and forbidden love affairs. Generally these are all things I love and try to utilize in my everyday life, but it just felt so forced and trite in this story. While I liked the characters okay by the end, they were cookie-cutters stereotypes of any teen movie blended with no real plot and an anti-climactic fight scene. I think the author was going for a Romeo & Juliet theme, sans the Shakespearean poetry and tragic ending.

Consensus: 2.5 stars out of 5 for my excessive eye-rolling, an overused storyline and heavy situations treated too lightly. But a nice pool read if you have a sexy chicano lifeguard nearby.


Book source: A friend.